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| Men have become disgusting creatures. If I leave my eyes open, I see
people hurting each other, deception, plotting, deprivation, void of
conscience. However, the back of my eyelids allow me no inner peace as
they only serve as my minds projection screen for the decrepit history
of my live and others. It's absolutely inescapable. People will be
people and my eyes remain open.
You all know what they say, "If you can't beat them, join them." Well
that's all dandy and whatnot, but say you can't join them either. Is
the reversible true? Obviously not. Not only do I refuse to take part
in such fake friendship, but even if I couldn't last any longer and had
to find someone to hold onto, contact, one to see, hear, touch and
smell, one to stain with every secret, one to taint, even one to drag
down with me... there is no one. No one steps forward, no one says aye,
not a one even so much as raises there finger in shy and embarrassed acknowledgment. What kind of hole have I dug myself into.
I stand here in the middle of life's great social paradox with no
ties. All arguments banter me with options but all are the same in
seeming absurdity. loneliness brings about no wisdom or experience.
There must be someone like me trapped and alone in a similar state.
There simply must be someone that sees the world the way I do. There
must be another mediocre half-hearted slightly talented jerk that would
keep me company.
What do I even think of you? Well that's yours to know and mine discover. | | |
| I'm
afraid this has been a long time coming. Everything that has flooded
into my soul through newly opened eyes has come down to this summary of
a fleeting opinion of my generation. If you are reading this, you are
most likely aware that my outlook on life has grown dim as more people
have been introduced to my life vastly adjusting my view of 'the
average Joe.' The evils that have manifested themselves on this once
holy planet leave no soul unstained. One can choose to rise above this
pitiful reality, but it does not change the fact that everything below
them, above them and that they themselves are real.
Perhaps this
is a cry of desperation to God from a poor boy wrapped in shadowy
chains; bound and gagged. I have been forced to witness, experience
and partake of this world and even the outermost fringes of darkness
bring me to my knees in sadness and depression. Lying is as plentiful
as air; it IS the air in some places. Masks hide the true opinions
people hold for one another. Sheep, black as coal, follow their earthly
sheppards doing what they are told no matter what. People judge others
harshly with no mercy while they have absolutely zero frame of
reference from their own.
Any of you labeling this post as 'emo'
or any related genre of writing are severely misguided and you need to
snap out of any preconceptions your friends have given you of what is
evil. The very world we live in draws closer to hell before our very
eyes.
This has gotten off topic, but it's really about my
peeves with mankind. I don't know what I was thinking earlier with
moral relativism... what's true is true and noone can change it but the
Truth Himself.
A word of advice to any and all high school
studends that happen to be mature enough to brave this entire post:
high school is not a big deal. At all. Your friends now, they don't
matter. What you think about how well off you are, how well your
doing, it doesn't matter. If you really think hard, any and all social
structures formed by this generation have been meaningless, pointless,
corrupt, misleading, and to some extent, evil. I don't give a whatever
if it's your senior year, it's just like the year before and the next
year will be just the same, although I pray to God that you dang well
better be smarter this time around. | | |
| Gah. You know, lately it's the little things that have been getting to
me... A quick mental analogy I came up with just now places me instead
of getting stabbed once in the heart, it's more like dropping my
emotional well being into a pit of thumbtacks. A pinprick by itself is
not dangerous... but a ton of them does damage for a while. These
small things are always from other people. I'm not saying I'm not to
blame at all... but I DO know that if I was by myself, there would be
no problems and the world without me would have no such problems
either. I'm beginnign to find it harder and harder to make good
friends and keep preexisting ones. My life as I knew it isn't gone but
it's fading away very painfully into a life of introversion and
seclusion. Who saw that coming?
Well, God did obviously. This
is apparently a test for me... somthing to make me realize I need to
change. Throuhout this week at many points, I was constantly thinking
"To heck with so-and-so, to heck to people, to heck with the world,
can't I be left alone?" But that makes no logical sense. I feed off
of others like a mosquito. I'm annoying, nobody likes me and I can't
live without them
This is all a huge exaggeration and
accoutenance for my websilence this week(ish). The fact that I can't
sing (I'm moderatly sick) really sucks, maybe that's how I usually fix
things, I sing my troubles away.
So, to the issue at hand.
Hypothetically, lets say a fireman is having quite a conundrum. He has
a hose that is spewing water and there's no way to stop the water. If
he lets the hose run, he and everything around him will get wet,
ruining it all. If he puts the hose into somthing to hold the water,
that somthing will eventually become full and rupture, causing huge
amounts of damage. Catch 22, you say? NOT SO MUCH! In theory, he
could easily solve the problem by directing the water back to where he
got it, the source, or the lake/ocean.. but sadly the fireman has
wandered too far and can't return the water.
Ok, so this relates
to me how? Well, I have this hose full of water and it just keeps
coming and it's of no use to me right now. I need to return it to the
source from which it came, which would be God. To continue the
analogy... I feel too far away from God to return it.. and even if I
got close.. I'd just be misting him... I couldn't get close enough..
rather I can't imagine myself getting close enough. | | |
| Welcome to my fatal bedroom
Take off your shoes, stay a while
Flip on the tube, watch some E.R.
To raise our spirits out of this black
Oh what a Cyrus of a virus I've got here
Set out to conquer me and my neighbors
Bald heads speckle the thousand doorways
No, that virus is more Assyrian in nature
Disease, what a curious thing
As if divinely sent with such timely arrivals
The veterans that live to tell you will say
Microscopic foes take no infinitesimal prisoners
Welcome to my garden elevator
Rise from the morbid reverberation
Enter into the courts of life, but
Whatever you do, don't look down
Reap and Sow, Reap and Sow
Scattered seed harbored life in here
White walls, the floor and ceiling too
Symmetrical plots of life growing ceaselessly
Take a life in your arms, It's still warm
Precious heartbeats and tiny curling fingers
Squinty eyes and drooling lips
God amazes all with his masterpieces
Welcome to my hospital
Death on floor 2, Birth on floor 3
Who would build a place like this, you ask?
That would be me, kind sir, mankind.
© Ryan Carpenter
| | |
| All through my years as a teen... I've heard a
ton of things on dating. What's right, what's wrong...
individualism... conformity... it all inspires a love-hungry person to
develop their own philosophy. Be right back.. making hot chocolate for
think-drink.
????????????????
Much
Better. So, along comes my mentor David Moore and his fiancee Alena...
They talk about the difference between affection and sexuality and
THEN... they tell the short version of the story of their
relationship. Honestly.. had I been a little bit less worn out from
todays events (test) I might have shed a tear or two. They personify
my idea of that seemingly unattainable love. It's real, it's tangible
and it's pure. How wonderful!
Then... there's me. The fling
machine. Who's to blame but myself? God made me into the hopeless
romantic I turned out to be... but right now, where do I direct that
energy? I can't direct it at anyone else but the one that loves me
more than anyone else: God.
Well, that's no biggie. All I have
to do is live worship as a lifestyle and love all that is God. Just
one problems. GIRLS STILL EXIST AND MAKE THEMSELVES QUITE VISIBLE.
Keep your mind out of the gutter for the following: girls are
tangible.. someone that you can touch and feel. As much as I've cried
and tried to imagine and dream.. I can't have a physical representation
of God. I want to sit at his feet, drink from the cup in his hand, be
overwhelmed and beyond. (© Keri Jobe  ) I haven't decided if it's somthing I'm just going to have to deal with or if it's somthing I'm not understanding properly.
If
I was consciously aware of the angel watching over me right now.. I'd
ask him to tap my shoulder now and then to remind me that God is always
there because I suppose I must forget sometimes. | | |
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